I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
