I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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