There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize