This is not my ceiling
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
