Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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