I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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