I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
