he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize