I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
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