i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
