So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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