ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He has the fingertips of a God
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