I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
