I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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