Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
