eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
