i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
