I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
