white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
