she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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