Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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