i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
