wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
