roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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