he thought i was a dude.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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