and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize