Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
