I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
