So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
