I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
