he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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