I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
