Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
