just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize