obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
