Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
