I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
