I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Randomize
