But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
