I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
