Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your penis caused this!
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