How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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