this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
