shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Quick, to the slutcave!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm both gender and math confused
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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