Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
