Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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