my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
