'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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