Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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