I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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