ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
