You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
