Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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