Got a toothbrush?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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