You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
