I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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