Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
