You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
