so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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