..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
