So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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