I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
