There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
