please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
