How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
