I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
