every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
