Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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