Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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