booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am mentally ready for anal.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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