She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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