Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
