how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
