Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
